Genocide of the Straights, dive-bombing Stukas, Brand X’s REAL name, and World Domination via Black Magic and Digestive Biscuits.

Reviving another vintage (April 9, 1977) editorial by Dave Fudger for SOUNDS magazine.

I leave the offices of Hit and Run Music and step into Maddox Street W. I have my briefcase over my head, for it is raining. Not the regular, round, wet things that are rain drops, but flat disc-like objects known as digestive biscuits.

Two floors up Brand X keyboards man, Robin Lumley, is furthering the band’s progress  towards “total world domination by 1979” by blitzing myself and unfortunate passers-by with said biscuits.

For you, dear reader, a fitting introduction to the unorthodox behaviour of Brand X. When I’d arrived for the interview an hour-or-so earlier ‘X guitarist, John Goodsall, was pouring over a Crowleyan magick   book in order to suss out how the band’s imminent US tour would fit in with their plans for global domination. (What chance have the Yanks got against black magic and digestive biscuits!).

Also in attendance were Brand X new boy, percussionist Morris Pert and the group’s secret weapon, bassist Percy Jones.

Now, you may remember how last year much was made in the music weeklies of this Brand X group as the vehicle that allowed Genesis’ drummer, Phil Collins to disport his musical alter-ego, trading his beat group drummer persona for the higher-flown role of ‘jazz rock’ skins man. Well, as you will know from reading the SOUNDS, Phil is currently involved in the Genesis North American Tour and in consequence could not be around for this interview.

Collins’ current commitment to Genesis will also keep him out of the Brand X drum seat for the duration of their upcoming US visit. His place will be taken by the highly-rated American drummer, Josef Blocker whose impressive pedigree is substantiated by stints with jazzy-rock luminaries Donald Byrd and George Duke. Although Blocker and the other four members of the band have yet to meet, he has been given tapes of the band’s music and a week of rehearsals in Los Angeles is planned prior to the American tour, so that Joe’s stint will be painless.

Genesis’ current US success means that Collins will be unable to spare much time for Brand X before 1978; he does, however feature on the band’s new album, ambiguously titled ‘Moroccan Roll’ (more of that later).

“We’re going to do a new album called ‘Brand X’s Greatest Debts,” affirms Lumley, the group’s pivotal madman, having only minutes before being consulted as to the cost of tape used in the making of ‘Moroccan Roll’, “which in fact, we have completed at a cost of a quarter of a million pounds, and it’s one minute long”, he continues, “Instead of appearing at gigs we’re going to holograph ourselves to various corners of the world.”

Lumley and Goodsall seize upon any opportunity to subject the unwary to their craziness. Goodsall’s explanation of the band’s reason for choosing Blocker to stand in for Collins is a good example. Delivered in a fake, punk monotone blurt, it went: “Cos he don’t sound straight.  He’s not a f*****g straight ‘cos we hate straights”, the first jazz punk rocker repeats, “We really f*****g hate straights!” before bursting into laughter.

It’s impossible not to be dragged along with the lunacy — the paradox of respected, ‘serious’ musicians acting out a Monty Python parody is irresistible. Why do you hate straights, John?

“Oh, man… I just got off the tube. Its f*****g wall-to-wall with straights. I just couldn’t handle Goodsall’s punk dissolves into hippy man.

Lumley explains hippy Goodsall’s philosophy: “He’s actually convinced that the vast majority of wrong thinking people are right. He’s also paid some Dutchman to set fire to Lord Snowdon”.

The band’s penchant for comedy is greeted with disdain by certain of the more pompous music writers like what write for those other two grim weeklies. God knows what they’ll make of the sleeve credits of ‘Moroccan Roll’ the ‘Frank Ifield Girls Male Voice Choir’ put in an appearance because “Frank is the ultimate”, says Lumley. “He appeared to us in a divine vision”, adds Goodsall. “We just couldn’t stop yodeling“. The band also credit ‘Victim’, an engineer at Morgan Studios, who they scared to death when they detonated explosives and engaged in a fight at the album mixing session, made very convincing with the use of bloody-capsules and a starting pistol. Although a ‘Brand X’s Greatest Debts’ album won’t be appearing, the band do plan to make live recordings with drummer Blocker during their five-week US tour and from these, and live material already in the can featuring Collins, they plan to assemble a live album for release in the Autumn. Individual band members have solo recording projects and commitments in the pipeline.

Scotsman Morris Pert, who joined Brand X just prior to the ‘Moroccan  Roll’ recording has recently finished writing a symphony — he studied composition and piano — which is to be performed in Washington later this year. He has also completed an electronic music score for the London Contemporary Dance School, who will be touring the piece in America at the same time that Brand X will be there.

“I’m working on an album of my own, just now, which I’m financing myself, the prolific Scot explains, “which I won’t have any of these guys on”. Pert’s career has included a spell with Stomu Yamashta and, as with the others in the group, a lot of session work.

Percy Jones has recently finished playing bass sessions for Eno’s upcoming album — he lent his distinctive style to ‘Another Green World’, the previous Eno LP. Late in the year a Jones solo album may be put under way, though he stressed that he would be spending a long time considering material before he starts actual recording.

Guitarist Goodsall, on the other hand, has already recorded three songs for a solo album: “I did some demos last summer at Trident with the Automatic Man keyboards player, Bayeti, bass player Doni Harvey and Bill Bruford on drums”, John explains, “We’ve got a record deal and we’re going to make the album when we get the time to do it”.

Lumley, who is rapidly becoming one of the most sought after producers by young British jazz musicians, interrupts to inform that he has been invited to twiddle the knobs’ on Bruford’s own solo album which is tentatively scheduled for August.

Lumley will be resuming his recording partnership with Jack Lancaster later this year. Two albums are proposed in the wake of their previous ‘Marscape’ LP. One of the records will be a semi-classical work, the other is an ambitious project to record the inherent sounds of the Earth at different locations about the globe and, through careful editing and technical manipulation it’s hoped to produce a piece of structured music (In view of the recently pedestrian output of one-time pioneers like the Tangs and the Floyd the latter experimented project is very promising).

Goodsall, undaunted, goes on to explain the origins of Brand X and their plans for world domination, via magic and digestive biscuits. “We don’t usually disclose this, but I’ve got special permission from VVVVV himself to give you limited information as to this question”,  Goodsall launches off in his studied monotone, “Well, I’m ruled by the House of Bartzabel and witnessed by Cauda Draconis and Puella — they’re geomantic intelligences. But Brand X is, in fact a music delegation of the holy order of the VI, which isn’t the real name of it. ..”

“But it’s better than V A T”, Interjects Lumley; Goodsall continues, maintaining his bland tone, “Brand X isn’t really, in fact the name of the group, is it?” he appeals to the others to support this ludicrous assertation, quickly going off at a tangent to declare. “My Egyptian tarot card is ‘the star’. And that’s why I’m going to turn up my amp and f*****g   hurt people, especially straights!” he finishes in mild frenzy.

Lumley and Goodsall continue with this lunacy to explain why the world can’t be told the real name of Brand X. Lumley: “It’s such a dangerous name to read that you’d die”. Goodsall: “It’s an emanation of The absolute. Lumley: “You could not actually see the real name and live. In fact, two people saw just one letter and they’re still in hospital. We read the name, over the phone, to a Serbo Croatian in Javanese and he was severely ill merely at the thought of the possible translation of it”. Inexplicably I feel the interview drawing to a close. Morris Pert, who’d been playing with a wooden ruler announces,  “My gloves are 9^1/2 inches long”. Lumley adds,  “That’s  a very important fact”, and I feel the room beginning to close m on me.

Before I pass out Lumley and Goodsall are telling me about the Stukas -yes, that’s right, German World War II dive-bombing aircraft. The last track on ‘Moroccan Roll’ (more rock and roll, geddit? and that’s only on interpretation) ends with a little Lumley self-indulgence. To add a little atmosphere, a frenetic instrumental finale leads into an outburst of overdubbed ‘live’ audience applause. In order that the listener doesn’t mistake this diversion for conceit on the part of the group, Lumley added the sound of Stukas flying in, bombing the audience to oblivion. Goodsall says that the band intend to top the Floyd’s flying pig stunts at concerts by dive bombing the audience  with life-size plastic Stukas that will release anti-straight propaganda leaflets. Quick nurse, the screens.

DAVE  FUDGER